Well, all that anticipation boiled down to just a couple short minutes of my first (in-person) meeting with the Birthmother. It didn’t go exactly as I had thought, but it went exactly as it was supposed to.
Our next meeting may not be until October… but I’ll keep you posted! :)
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“Birthmothers” are supposively women who have surrendered children to adoption. When a prospective adoptive parent calls a woman who (1) hasn’t even given birth yet and (2) certainly therefore has not surrendered her child yet, a “birthmother”….what’s the point of that? It’s almost as if she’s a lesser mother whose sole purpose is to supply a child to someone else.
Adoption is a life-long agreement…especially for the adoptee. It needs to start out, and stay always, on the basis of respect. I do not feel that my mother is respected when people call her a “birthmother”–especially before she would have even surrendered me.
Thank you for your comment, I truly appreciate your feedback and I will do my best to be more sensitive in the future. I most certainly didn’t mean to offend anyone or imply that somehow the baby is not the mothers. In fact, I have been through this several times where the mother has decided to parent the child herself – and for that I truly rejoice!
I fully recognize the rights of the mother and her (life long) deep love for her child (regardless of her final decision). We actually we use the name ‘Birthmother’ in our family as a term of love and utmost respect… We talk about them regularly, have pictures of them, and pray every night for our children’s birth parents by name. My children are very much aware of who their ‘mothers’ are and how much they are loved by them; and we always express how much we love them (the birth parents) too. We will never revoke them of that right.
If I use the term ‘Birthmother’ now, it’s to help distinguish in my discussions between me, (the potential Adoptive Mother) and the child’s Biological Mother – not because I feel that she is ‘lesser’ by any means. I will probably use the name again, but hopefully I have established my heart in the matter.
Thank you again for your comment… God Bless!
~ Erika
Well said Erika! I am an “adoptee” & couldn’t agree with your explanation more. Furthermore, I feel that once a woman is pregnant, considering adoption for whatever reason it may be, and in the process of choosing a good new family for her unborn child, it is only fair to refer to her from therein as the “birth mother”.
I mean seriously, if you go to an adoption agency and read legal forms, they will refer to her as the birth mother because one has to be able to distinguish between the two “mothers” which is being referenced.
Furthermore, I disagree with your last feedback that the pregnant woman should not be referred to as the birth mother because she has not given birth yet. Ultimately, she will give birth one way or another!
I don’t feel that the term “birth mother” is belittling at all. It just sounds like someone may have had a bad experience themselves possibly and don’t see it the same way. I think that you made your intentions very clear & I pray that God will continue to bless you & your family :)
Thanks so much for your input! It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not offending everyone with using the term ‘birth mother’. I received a lot of feedback by email supporting my response, but you’re the first one who publicly replied… so thanks for the words of encouragement!
God Bless You Too! :)
~ Erika
Thank you for your website/blog … I use your recipes all the time! I was looking for gluten free recipes and I have had wonderful success following your recipes. I was further encouraged to follow you when I heard the testimony re: first meeting… How telling of a person’s heart <3. I am a Christian and believe strongly in adoption, though I have not adopted children-just dogs- because The Bible tells us WE are adopted into the lineage of Christ when we receive His gift of salvation! God is one whom restores and I applaud any one who would invest themselves in the life or lives of others. Thank you for sharing Erika. God bless you!
BTW, I'm looking for gluten free apple cake recipe :)
Hi Rosie! Thank you for the sweet comment & encouragement. Adoption has certainly helped me understand the heart of my Savior & how He loves me and calls me His own. =) I’ve got an Apple Fritter Recipe I’m working on, but an Apple Cake sounds good too! =) I’ll add it to my list of recipes to adapt. God Bless! ~Erika